Two weekends. Two red cards. Two South African locks.
If this were any other team, World Rugby would call it a statistical anomaly.
But because it’s the Springboks?
Suddenly it’s a global symposium on “dangerous South African tackling culture” and whether someone needs to alert Interpol.
Yes, Lood de Jager and Franco Mostert were shown red on consecutive weekends – a breathtaking achievement if your goal is to trend on X for something other than scrummaging dominance. And naturally, the rugby world reacted with the level calm we expect from our northern cousins: shaking heads, clutching pearls, and whispering “those South Africans” like we gate-crashed a garden tea.
And so, in the spirit of fairness (and to maintain the diplomatic balance of our rugby relationships), we at Blindsided Rugby Man have a humble, helpful suggestion.
Rassie. My guy. Book the squad into tackle school.
Not because they need it – goodness no.
But because clearly the global rugby ecosystem needs the illusion that South Africans are being rehabilitated.
Let’s call it what it is: a PR exercise.
A trust-building seminar.
A “how to tackle without the opposition collapsing in fright” workshop.
Because if we don’t, the Boks may have to finish this entire Autumn Nations Series with 14 men – permanently.
Not due to foul play.
But simply because a Springbok shoulder entering an international time-zone now triggers the TMO bunker alarm.
The de Jager Incident: A Case Study in South African Gravity
So first, poor Lood.
A man built like a cathedral tries to adjust his tackle height by about two microns, World Rugby gasps, and boom – straight red.
Apparently the 20-minute red card trial applies mostly on Tuesdays, during leap years, and only for teams that don’t wear green. We checked the small print.
It was ruled “reckless and intentional,” which is rugby-legalese for:
“We’re not quite sure, but it’s easier to say this and move on.”
Did he get it wrong? Sure.
Should it have been a permanent red? Depends who you ask – and when, and what hemisphere they’re in, and whether they’ve ever been tackled by a 120 kg lock travelling at 26 km/h.
But that’s okay. We moved on.
Until, of course, the universe decided it needed a sequel.
The Mostert Red: When the Rugby Gods Said, ‘Hold My Castle Light’
One week later, Franco Mostert – who normally tackles like a librarian shelving books – clips the Italian fly-half.
Shoulder makes contact with head.
Wrap is late.
Ref reaches for the red like he’s swiping a loyalty card.
And suddenly the Boks are trending again.
Another Saturday.
Another 68 minutes with 14 men.
Another chance for World Rugby to demonstrate its world-class commitment to consistency… whatever that means this month.
Now, to Mostert’s credit, he didn’t look shocked.
The man has been around long enough to know that gravity behaves differently for South Africans.
A Kiwi can fall into a shoulder.
A Frenchman can springboard upward into contact.
A Bok?
A Bok is always “launching upwards” – even when he’s literally crouching.
Bless the Refs – They’re Trying Their Best (We Think)
Let’s be gracious here.
Referees have a tough job.
Especially when officiating the Springboks, a team whose natural posture is… well, enormous.
Every tackle looks like an act of warfare simply because our forwards are built like industrial fridges.
So, to the refs: we see you.
We appreciate the effort.
And we understand that the laws of physics – particularly height, mass, and momentum – are inconvenient variables when trying to determine “mitigation.”
That’s why, in the spirit of cooperation, we’re fully supportive of sending the Boks to tackle school.
To help you out, of course.
Not because they need fixing.
No, no.
Because we want to reduce your workload.
You deserve a break too.
Tackle School Curriculum (To Ease Global Nerves)
Here’s what Blindsided Rugby Man proposes for the Springboks’ new mandatory education initiative:
Week 1: How Not to Terrorise Opponents by Accident
- Practise entering a tackle while pretending you weigh 82 kg.
- Learn how to shrink your height by 26 cm upon request.
- Master the technique of “wrapping early enough for the TMO to notice.”
Week 2: International Diplomacy Through Tackle Technique
- Watch video clips of northern-hemisphere tacklers receiving yellow for the same actions.
- Practise smiling politely when asked, “Is that how you tackle in South Africa?”
- Group assignment: Write a reflective essay titled “Why My Red Card Was a Teachable Moment for World Rugby.”
Week 3: Live Demonstration Day
Invite:
- A few Irish defence coaches,
- One New Zealand tackling consultant, and
- A French referee with a whistle velocity somewhere between “power surge” and “air raid alarm.”
Let them explain – slowly, carefully – that even though the laws change every three months, the Boks must remain fluent in all dialects of refereeing.
Including the vintage ones.
But Let’s Be Honest: The Boks With 14 Men Are Still Horrifying
Here’s the part the world doesn’t want to acknowledge:
When the Boks go down to 14, they become more dangerous.
Look at the Italy match.
Look at how the team tightened its shape.
Look at how Siya and the leadership group simply shrugged and said, “Alright, let’s do it the hard way then.”
It’s South Africa.
We specialise in doing things the hard way.
See: 1995.
See: 2019.
See: 2023.
See: literally any knockout match we have ever played.
The irony?
By red-carding us so enthusiastically, World Rugby is unintentionally training the Boks to play 14-man rugby better than any nation alive.
So if the Autumn Nations Series ends with the Boks undefeated while spending 35% of it a man down…
Well, that’s a coaching masterclass you can’t buy at a seminar.
A Final Plea – Sincerely South African
So yes, Rassie.
Please.
For your sanity, for our blood pressure, and for the well-being of the rugby officials who panic whenever a Bok leans forward:
Take the boys to tackle school.
Not because we believe they’re dirty.
Not because we think the technique is broken.
Not because the team doesn’t know how to adjust.
But because we understand the reality:
When you’re the best team in the world, the world tends to officiate you like a nuclear device with studs.
And if attending a week of “tackle rejuvenation therapy” helps everyone sleep better –
Helps referees breathe easier –
Helps TMOs stop sweating through their shirts –
Then fine.
We’ll play along.
Just don’t be surprised if, after all this, the Springboks still win the series with 14 men on the pitch.
At this point, it’s practically part of the game plan.
